Tuesday, August 7, 2012

What a Rollercoaster Ride


Oh my. Here lately I have been feeling such a whirlwind of emotions. So many feelings of ups and downs. I have been lonely, I have felt like crying, I have felt like I have been failing, I have fallen, I have felt like I am backtracking, I have felt tired, I have wondered if this is worth it, but I have not given up.

Loneliness has been a huge part of this journey as of late. I don't really have much free time, and what free time I do have I just want to relax, so I haven't had much of a social life whatsoever.

Another thing that I have been doing is spending way to much time on the scale, which has really messed with my head. I have found this to be a huge mind-F*** and I have found that whether or not I realize it I totally subconsciously believe that my progress is dependent on the scale. Which is frustrating when my cycle has been outta whack and been causing me to retain water for the last 2 weeks, ugh.

Yesterday I just felt so down, so miserable, tired, sorry for myself. And today, total oposite, positive,  happy, energetic, ready to take on the world. What a rollercoaster of emotions.

Yesterday after feeling super discouraged with my weigh-in I went and talked to my trainer on my break and he told me to keep going. He said whenever I doubt my progress to look in the mirror, and I think for me relaly that means I need to look at my progress pics, because what I see in the mirror is not reality. When I look in the mirror I see my flaws, I see how far I have to go before I look like one of the pros. But really I need to enjoy this process. If I compare myself know to what I looked like 6 months ago let alone, 5 years ago when I was almost 200 pounds, I have to admit to myself that I have come a long way. That my hard work has not been in vain. I need to look in the mirror, look at my pictures and be proud. Everyone says I'm right on track, everyone says that these last 2 months I will see the most changes. Especially the last few weeks before the show.

I need to stop worrying about being ready and just keep doing my best. Keep my attitude positive, my eyes off the scale and eye on the prize, just doing my personal best. I don't have to be THE best, I just have to be MY best. And you know what, that I promise you. I will be the best I can be! And I am going to be damn proud of myself when I strut my stuff in my sexy heels and gorgeous suit! Just watch me!

Photo: Yours seems blurry??? Here is another copy
This is from 12 weeks out to 9 weeks out.

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