Saturday, August 18, 2012

It's Getting Real!!!!

So I've been meaning to write more often as my competition gets closer but I haven't been doing a very good job. Things are coming along. As I posted in my last post, I believe, I decided I needed to stop being so dependent on the scale. Well this week I let go completely of the bondage that the scale had me trapped in. I weighed in for my trainer Monday, and I'm not gonna lie, the scale was calling to me every morning to weigh myself, but I resisted. I made it all the way to Friday when I had to weigh in for my trainer. While I was happy to see that the scale had gone down 1 and a half pounds from last Friday, I have to say because I haven't been weighing myself I have decided to use the mirror and pictures to gauge my progress. And I have to say, what a difference it has made in my outlook. I was being obsessive, weighing in multiple times a day, and what did that do for me? Just make me frustrated and discouraged. By letting go of that obsession I have started looking in the mirror, at my arms, at my shoulders, at my abs (which are finally starting to come in), at my quads, at my hammies, at my back, and I feel like this week I have seen the most visual progress so far. My carbs did drop just a tad and my cardio upped a bit, but it is all gradual and I'm feeling great. Still have good energy level most days. Though at night I do tend to crash, but considering I'm up as early as I am, go to the gym, then work, then gym, by the time I get home, it just makes sense that my body is exhausted.
One thing that I'm extremely proud of is the way my back is coming in. The figure category is all about the lat spread, v-taper and symmetry, and I got the lat spread and the v-taper so that is pretty exciting for me. Have a lot of work to do on the lower body, but I'm told that will happen in the final weeks. So I'll just keep eating on plan and working my butt off at the gym, twice a day most days.

Oh, so I totally just realized that I forgot to mention, I GOT MY SUIT!!!!!! Oh my goodness. I am absolutely in love with it! It is such a beautiful suit, a gorgeous green color, with just enough bling, not too much but just enough for this girl who doesn't do a whole lot of bling... I have to tell you about the day it came.
So I had been watching the tracking number that the gal I bought it from had sent me and on the day it arrived, of course it was raining. So after work I rushed home just wanting to see it in person. I brought it inside and knelt down and took a deep breath. This is it, this is my suit, this is making it real!!!! I slowly slit the tape and the edges with the scissors and opened the box and stopped and just looked at it for a minute. Another deep breath. Took it out of the box and spread it out on the floor. OMG, it's so beautiful, ok Ami, go get your cardio done, you can try it on when you get home. So I went to the gym and got my cardio in, so extremely excited. Afterwards got home and all I could think about was, OMG, what if it doesn't fit, what if it doesn't fit. The girl I bought it from had a stage weight of 105 and I KNOW that there is no way I will even be close to that. The suit felt sacred, I didn't feel worthy to put it on. So I continued with my nightly routine, doing my dishes, preparing my food for the next day, just the usual, all the while going around in my head about whether or not I should try it on...I wanted to but I was scared...
Finally I finished everything and just sat down and looked at my suit and took a deep breath. Ok, I'm just gonna do it. So my heart was pounding, butterflies in my stomach. Deep breaths. Put on the bottoms, wow, butt hanging out. Put on the top, how the heck does this connect? Got it figured out, heart pounding and looked in the mirror....and... I could not stop smiling! Wow! amazing!!!! It is so beautiful! It actually fits me! I'm really doing this! This is going to happen! I'm going to walk across that stage, all I could do was just stare at myself. I took a few pictures so I could show a few people. But wow, what a moment. At that moment I just could not believe how far I have come. Who would have thought 5 years ago that I would be at this point. I know I never would have guessed. What a feeling. That moment was one I will never ever forget. Putting on my first figure suit!
My gorgeous suit!!!

Today was my first posing clinic. My coach has worked with me a little with posing at each check in and I have been taking my heels and practicing at the gym so I feel like I'm getting a pretty good grasp on the judged poses. It was great to meet a few other girls who are going to be competing alongside me. There is just that bond there. We went through poses, transitions, and a little with the T-walk but not a whole lot since that part is no longer judged. So exciting, it's coming and it's getting REAL!!!!
Oh also had my refeed today had some amazing banana "ice cream" post workout. Definitely highly recommend it! All it is is sliced up bananas, frozen and then blended in a blender, I added a little protein powder as I blended it and then stirred in a no pudge brownie and frozen pb2. It was absolute amazing!!!!! My next part of the refeed meal was pumpkin pancakes made with pumpkin, oat flour, egg whites, a little greek yogurt, some pumpkin pie spice and a little stevia and baking powder topped with some Waldon Farms Syrup. Nom nom.

my banana "ice cream"

After the posing clinic came home and put on my new size 3 jeans that I had bought last weekend. I'm just loving this whole process. Contest prep is not easy, but I have to say I love it. I love the challenge, the having to push myself beyond anything i've ever done before! I just LOVE it!
my new jeans!!!!

I have my next check-in with my trainer on Tuesday. So excited to see how much I've progressed in the last 3 weeks. I've been giving it my absolute all and I don't plan on backing down one bit!!!!
7 weeks to go!!!!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

What a Rollercoaster Ride


Oh my. Here lately I have been feeling such a whirlwind of emotions. So many feelings of ups and downs. I have been lonely, I have felt like crying, I have felt like I have been failing, I have fallen, I have felt like I am backtracking, I have felt tired, I have wondered if this is worth it, but I have not given up.

Loneliness has been a huge part of this journey as of late. I don't really have much free time, and what free time I do have I just want to relax, so I haven't had much of a social life whatsoever.

Another thing that I have been doing is spending way to much time on the scale, which has really messed with my head. I have found this to be a huge mind-F*** and I have found that whether or not I realize it I totally subconsciously believe that my progress is dependent on the scale. Which is frustrating when my cycle has been outta whack and been causing me to retain water for the last 2 weeks, ugh.

Yesterday I just felt so down, so miserable, tired, sorry for myself. And today, total oposite, positive,  happy, energetic, ready to take on the world. What a rollercoaster of emotions.

Yesterday after feeling super discouraged with my weigh-in I went and talked to my trainer on my break and he told me to keep going. He said whenever I doubt my progress to look in the mirror, and I think for me relaly that means I need to look at my progress pics, because what I see in the mirror is not reality. When I look in the mirror I see my flaws, I see how far I have to go before I look like one of the pros. But really I need to enjoy this process. If I compare myself know to what I looked like 6 months ago let alone, 5 years ago when I was almost 200 pounds, I have to admit to myself that I have come a long way. That my hard work has not been in vain. I need to look in the mirror, look at my pictures and be proud. Everyone says I'm right on track, everyone says that these last 2 months I will see the most changes. Especially the last few weeks before the show.

I need to stop worrying about being ready and just keep doing my best. Keep my attitude positive, my eyes off the scale and eye on the prize, just doing my personal best. I don't have to be THE best, I just have to be MY best. And you know what, that I promise you. I will be the best I can be! And I am going to be damn proud of myself when I strut my stuff in my sexy heels and gorgeous suit! Just watch me!

Photo: Yours seems blurry??? Here is another copy
This is from 12 weeks out to 9 weeks out.