I'm not yet where I want to be but I am so much farther than I used to be!

 

Well as many of you know I had my check in today and yes I had some great results but let me back up a little bit. This last week I busted my butt. I was so keyed in on my eating, not one extra lick of anything. I was feeling lean and mean and could tell by how my clothe fit and what I saw in the mirror that my body was changing. I have to admit that this last month my battle with the scale has been frustrating. Friday I weight in at 140.1 and a month ago when I had my check in I was 141.0. How frustrating is that that I was busting my butt in the gym and the scale had gone up one week .4 pounds and the next 1.0 pounds. And one Friday night I was so frustrated that I came home from work, I ate 2 jello cups and 3 pickle spears and cried my eyes out. But you know what I did not quit!!!

Well this weekend was crazy, like I said weighed in on Friday at 141.0. Saturday I had a long day. I had to get up at 3:15 am to go to a conference in Bloomington, MN so I packed my food and took my cooler in and ate my food when I was supposed to utilizing a gas station microwave twice. I got home about 8:00 and got ready and went and hit the gym, even though my body was tired, I was committed. I was going to get my workout in. Because I my schedule I decided to switch my Saturday and Sunday workouts and my refeed to Sunday as well. Well, when I woke up on Sunday, I thought to myself, I'm going to weigh myself just to see cuz I know the scale will be up tomorrow because of my refeed. So I stepped on the scale and could absolutely not believe my eyes. 137.8! WHAT????? for real? 

I couldn't believe it. Well I went to the gym and got all the housework and laundry done, food prep, typical Sunday stuff. This morning woke up. Honestly I expected that drop to be just a freak thing and expected it to be above Friday's weight because almost always is my weight up on Monday from Friday. But guess what, 138.5! Now I had been really excited for my check-in today, but seeing my weight drop all of a sudden, got me even more excited.

Well finally 1:00 came and it was time for my Check-in with Ryan. We did weigh-in and measurements and pics. After I changed and came out Ryan showed me my stats and man was I happy about them. My body fat dropped from 20.8% to 17.5%. Waist dropped 1.25 inches, hips .25 inches, my left thigh had been slightly bigger than my right but this week they evened out and my left thigh dropped 1/4 in making them both 21 5/8 inches, arms stayed exactly the same. 

I asked Ryan if I could see the pics, and thank goodness I did because for some reason his camera hadn't saved 2 of the pics. So didn't get to see them before I left. Well, Ryan emailed me my pics along with the comment that he figured up my lean body mass and not only had I dropped 3.3% body fat, but I had also gained 2.7 pounds! Holy crap! OMG! I was amazed! So my hard work, my busting my butt, my adding those 2 extra cardio sessions in and I actually am seeing my hard work pay off! I may have only dropped 2.5 pounds by todays weigh in, but that is such a small measure compared to the progress that was made! 

I have to say after seeing the numbers change, both body fat and inches, I am super pumped! This makes me so excited to see what the coming months bring!

This coming week is going to be a stretch and a challenge for me. We are going to visit family in TN and guess what that means, bringing most of my food along with. There is no way that I am going to let some time off work and out of my routine get me off track! I found a Gold's Gym that I will be frequenting during this trip! I am excited for the time off and the extra sleep that I'll be able to get. It was be very nice and I'll get to see some family and friends that I haven't seen in 18 months or more!

I feel like I have a renewed sense of will and purpose today! I am putting in the work and I am doing my thing! I am committed and nothing/no one can stop me! I will do/be the absolute best that I can be. Every single day I will give it 100%! Just you watch!!!!

Now here they, my progress pics! Please feel free to give me feedback, good or bad!  (sorry the quality isn't the clearest, wanted them a bit bitter so they could be seen better)

What a weekend!!!!

Wow! where do I even begin. Well this last week was filled with anticipation. Thursday night could not get here soon enough. Thursday night I was going to meet my Soul Sister. Talia finally arrived an hour later than we originally thought due to the time change, and we hugged and took pics and it was so weird seeing her in 3-D instead of just through pics or over txt or phone call. But it was such an amazing time. We had some amazing talks, lots and lots of laughs and just good old fun. I don't even remember the last time I had so much fun with a girlfriend. I just let loose and was so myself, didn't feel I had to hold anything back about myself, all my defenses down, because she really knows me and understands me better than anyone, that soul sister connection. Our relationship I feel like is so easy. Like friends who have known each other forever. Anyone who saw us would never have guessed that we had just met in person. We even got asked by several people if we were sisters. Here's is a rundown of our weekend. Thursday we made a "cooking show" video in which we made casein pudding, Friday we got up fairly early, had my weigh in, down a pound from the week before, and went to the gym, I put her through a pretty good chest, shoulders and tris workout....Grrr....plate raises... I took her to Thrive and she got to see the nutrition club I work out of and I did a wellness eval with her too, just for fun, and of course she got a shake, Cookie Monster. Then we went and got pedicures and took my hubby birthday balloons at work, complete with noisemakers. Then we came back and just hung out for a bit and waited in anticipation for our cheat meal. If anyone wants details on our cheat meal check out pics and videos on Facebook. It was amazing! And so much the better cuz we got to share it!!!! It was EPIC! Then Saturday we got up early for a Leg workout then headed to my first bodybuilding show. It was so great! I was so glad that Talia was there with me cuz it was so much more fun than it would have been had I been alone! It was so awesome watching all the amazing physiques on stage! It really got me so excited. It gave me lots to think about regarding posing and stage presence as well as looking at the girls and seeing who had similar builds to me and wondering what I will look like on stage. It was so inspiring and I was so excited that some of my team members placed multiple times including one getting her pro-card! How cool is that. Sunday morning came all too soon and I had to drive Talia to the airport. While we were there we looked around in the souvenier shop and found these friendship voodoo dolls that we both have on our key chains. The meaning that they have is taking care of our body and mind. How appropriate for us. While we both strive to be healthy physically, so much more is our struggle to be mentally healthy. We took more pictures of which we did take lots over the course of the weekend. And we did have to say goodbye, unfortunately. But I have to say I am truly thankful for this friendship, for this bond that I have developed with someone. Friendships like this are hard to find and I will not take that for granted. This weekend really refreshed me and encouraged me. I feel inspired I feel renewed, I feel motivated. What a weekend! This morning had such a great workout as well. I feel like I have a completely new attitude. Right now that scale, while I care about the number, I know that I am working on building muscle and that scale may not change quite like I would want it to right now. But that scale does in no way measure my success. Right now I am strong. Talia did boost my ego quite a bit while she was here. I mean, I lift heavy, but I guess I really didn't realize that maybe I do lift heavier than most girls. I AM strong! I have worked FREAKING HARD to get to where I am now, just like I work my butt off every single day, with my food choices, with my workouts! And you know what, I am DAMN PROUD of where I am and how far I have come. Thank you Talia for helping me see that.
One other quick thing. I was honored to be a guest post on a blog. Here is the interview if you would like to check it out.

http://www.outerstrength-innerpeace.com/guestpostofthemonth.htm

I have so much to be thankful for and I want to say, thank you for reading this, thank you for listening to me rant, for listening to my ups and downs and I hope that I am able to encourage you in some way. Keep your head up, cuz sometimes will be tough, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel You CAN overcome! If there is any way I can help you or encourage you, please let me know!

Getting stronger, in more ways than one...

It has been a little while since I have written and I have def had my ups and downs. I have been discouraged, I have been on track, I've been motivated, had good days and bad days. It has been kinda tough mentally because the scale has not been moving, it has been up and it has stayed the same and it's very frustrating, especially because I have such a hard time getting away from that number. I have a confession to make, the last 2 weeks I have been weighing myself pretty much every day and just was not happy with what I was seeing. Workouts were good, eating was right on, but that darn number...ugh!!!! This last Friday I stepped on the scale and seeing it a pound above what it had been the week before, I just felt the anxiety creep in! The thoughts of what am I doing wrong, what is wrong with me, I'm such a failure. All that negative thinking. Thankfully I have some great friends who I can reach out to and can help pull meet out of those feelings of despair. The last two weekends I have wanted a cheat meal so bad, and each weekend I haven't been ready. Well guess what this weekend I get a cheatmeal and I am beyond excited! I have had planned what I wanted for the last 3 weeks! I am having Northern Lights Pizza, the Works or something with lots and lots of toppings with breadsticks of course, and Slutty brownies for dessert with this Brownie peanut butter swirl ice cream that I found. This alone would make me look forward to the weekend, but not only that, this weekend has lots of other great things happening. Thursday night my amazing friend Talia is coming all the way from New York State to visit me! I have connected with her in away that I haven't with anyone else. She is my soul sister and understands things like I do. We have had similar struggles and we have connected on such a deep level! I am so excited to finally meet her in person! She even gets to share my cheat meal with me! Friday is also Justin's birthday which I'm excited to celebrate. And Saturday Talia and I are going to attend my first Bodybuilding show! I'm super pumped! Ryan, my trainer, and his store are the main sponsors for this show and I'm excited to go cheer on the other members of FPT!!! Nicole and Angela and whoever else is on our team competing!!! It's going to be a great weekend. So many other things happening this month! Our 3 year wedding anniversary is May 16th. May 19th we drive to Minnesota for the Herbalife STS, Success Training Seminar, which will be a good refresher for me as I haven't been able to go to a training in several months due to my work schedule. The week after that we leave Wednesday nigth for Tennessee to go visit family and will be gone for almost a week. On top of that just started helping teach a free bootcamp out of Thrive which had a great first week turn out and am excited to see where we can take this! Oh, and one last thing, my trainer also is having me add in 2 25 minute Steady State cardio sessions, so this will mean either 2 a days or getting up half an hour earlier than the usual 4:15 alarm. But I'm so excited! Ok, back to this week. On Sunday I went and worked out with my dear teammate Stephanie Binney at her gym and she put me through an intense cardio workout, chains included. Let's just say I don't remember the last time I sweated that much! But it was great and we had a great time!

                                               

Monday morning, woke up and was feeling good! Had a great attitude and got to the gym ready to push my limits, and push them I did! Got some awesome PRs! On flat bench I got 3 sets of 5 at 125 lbs, and 1 arm DB rows, I was pulling the 60's! Then today I smashed my personal bests as well, squatting 195 and Deadlifting 175! Love it! I am determined to keep my attitude up! No matter what that scale says, I'm doing my best, and maybe I'm gaining muscle, maybe I'm holding water but that scale is just a stupid box.

Next week it will be a month since meeting with Ryan for a check-in. And honestly, I can't really see any changes in my body looking in the mirror, since last check-in. I'm gonna up my game and show the gym who's boss this week! I'm gonna keep my diet tight and I'm gonna blow myself out of the water! Nervous for those progress pics but who knows, maybe it will show me what I don't see.

I also wanted to mention that I was asked to fill out some interview questions about my struggles with Eating Disorders. This really made me have to think through what was behind a lot of my behaviors and thinking. Very thought provoking. I also compiled a sort of timeline of pictures from before I really started restricting to when I started binging and got to my heaviest, to searching for a balance and finding fitness and making it a part of my lifestyle.

https://www.facebook.com/LifewayKefir#!/media/set/?set=a.516707403560.2008391.149900193&type=3 (here is a link for any of you interested)

It made my gaining a pound and being so worked up about it seem so petty, so minor. I have been through a lot of struggles in my life. And truly, even as I train and work my butt off to get that stage ready body, I need to remember to stop and reflect at where I once was and how blessed I am to have the health that I do. I also want any of you reading this to know you are not alone in food struggles. The media and the world we live in today poses such high standards on what beauty is and honestly it is impossible to be what they want you to be. No matter what that standard will find flaws. What we truly need to do is be happy with ourselves. That is the only way we can be satisfied. So surround yourself with those that love you for who you are. Work to be the best you can be and be proud of yourself, be happy with yourself. Shine that positive energy around because it is contagious. I do want to thank anyone who reads my blog. It is such an outlet for me, and I should smack myself for going so long without blogging. It helps me get my thoughts together. I learn so much about myself. Thank you for listening to my rantings and my struggles and I hope that in some way I am able to help and encourage even one person through this blog! 

***One last note, I made a promise to myself that I absolutely will not step on the scale except on Mondays and Fridays, unless it's check in day with Ryan. It's just a stupid number. I may need reminded of this from time to time, but I do know this.***